Actually Talking to Your Partner About Women’s Urinary Incontinence

by General Urinary IncontinenceUrge IncontinenceUrge Urinary IncontinenceUrinary Incontinence

In the previous two articles, we have discussed why you should talk to your partner about your women’s urinary incontinence, and how to prepare for “the talk.” This article is all about having “the talk.”

Gather Your Stuff for The Talk
If you have read our previous two articles on talking to your partner about your urinary incontinence, then by now you have probably armed yourself with some materials to help you with the conversation. To prepare for your conversation, you may wish to gather the following items (plus any others you feel will help your partner understand your condition):

  • outline of what you want to say
  • educational materials about urinary incontinence or women’s pelvic health in general
  • list of your symptoms
  • list of how you are coping with your condition, including any therapies

Once you have your stuff, you are ready for the talk. Assuming that you have already set a time to have the discussion with your partner, you just need to bring the relevant stuff and talk!

Starting the Discussion About Women’s Urinary Incontinence
Talking about women’s urinary incontinence and its symptoms is never easy. Whether you are talking to your doctor or to your loved ones, the issue is sensitive and potentially embarrassing. Just know that going into the conversation.

To start the discussion with your partner about urinary incontinence, first thank them for making the time to have the discussion with you. If you feel nervous, tell your partner that you want to discuss a sensitive issue, and that you do feel nervous. It is definitely a good idea to share how you feel.

Then start the conversation wherever you feel is most relevant. For instance, if your partner has recently looked quite baffled or been irritated by your sudden and frequent trips to the bathroom, start the discussion with those events. Talk about urinary urgency and frequency, and talk about how your behavior may have been bewildering to your partner.

Start the discussion slowly and allow your partner to fully digest each piece of information. Allow room in the conversation for your partner to ask questions. Don’t just run full tilt through your list. Explain your condition slowly and clearly, and cover the ways you are coping with urinary incontinence. Also explain how your condition may be affecting the relationship.

At an appropriate moment–perhaps at the close of the conversation–you may wish to hand your partner some educational materials so he or she can learn more about urinary incontinence (and how it affects so many women, not just older women). Our book is a good resource, as are printable downloads from organizations listed on our Resources page.

Allow the conversation to follow its own pace and direction. Remain calm at all times. In most cases, women are surprised at their partners’ responses. Most are very understanding, and many partners are quite relieved to finally understand the motivation behind some potentially odd behaviors.

Once you have the initial conversation, give yourself a pat on the back! This may not be the only conversation you have with your partner, but it is certainly a great beginning. Once your partner learns more about your condition, he or she may have more questions. No worries… knowledge is power. The important thing is that you have opened the door to greater understanding and a deeper relationship with your partner.

If you enjoyed this post, we invite you to check out our book, leave a comment, contact us, download our free ebook, or interact with us on Twitter and Facebook.

How Do You Talk to Your Partner About Women’s Urinary Incontinence?

by Urge IncontinenceUrge Urinary IncontinenceUrinary Incontinence

In our previous article  we discussed when you might want to discuss your urinary incontinence issues with your partner–such as when your partner begins wondering whether your coping behaviors signal that you are heading for a breakup! Hopefully that article gave you some motivation and encouragement to raise this sticky subject with your partner, before he or she gets the wrong idea about your relationship.

Yet, women’s urinary incontinence is an embarrassing topic at the best of times. In fact, talking about symptoms such as urinary urgency or urinary leakage can feel so humiliating that almost half of all women never seek medical help. But don’t worry. With the right preparation, you can definitely have a successful conversation with your partner about your urinary incontinence issues. You don’t have to be humiliated or embarrassed. Plus, hopefully you and your partner will emerge on the other side of the conversation with more clarity and understanding about this health issue.

Preparing for “The Talk”
Once you have committed to having “the talk” with your partner, you don’t simply want to dive into the conversation at will. Instead, take the time to prepare yourself for the conversation. You will want to consider:

  • when to raise the issue
  • the exact points you want to raise during the conversation
  • whether you will give your partner brochures or other educational materials to read
  • the questions your partner may raise, and how you want to answer those questions

The above points are all crucial to having a successful conversation with your partner about your women’s urinary incontinence. In this article, we will focus on choosing a good time to talk to your partner. In future articles, we will cover other preparations for your talk, including making a list of points you wish to cover and how to educate your partner about your condition.

Choosing the Right Time to Discuss Your Urinary Incontinence
Choosing the right moment to discuss your urinary incontinence issues with your partner can have a big impact on the outcome of the conversation. For instance, you definitely don’t want to raise the issue if both of you are already in bed or perhaps headed toward an intimate moment. Talk about the wrong time to raise the issue of urinary incontinence.

Instead, when thinking of potential “good” moments to raise the issue, look for moments where you will have:

  • guaranteed privacy
  • plenty of time
  • one-on-one time that is face-to-face
  • a neutral setting that is neither too romantic nor too sterile

Using the points above, you probably won’t choose to talk about urinary urgency or leakage at your local bar, where friends or wait staff are likely to “pop in” on your conversation at any given time. By the same token, avoid having the conversation over the phone. While your partner will probably be much more accepting of the conversation than you expect, phone conversations make it difficult to interpret silences. You won’t know whether a moment of silence simply means your spouse is digesting the information or is truly horrified by the news. Having the conversation face-to-face is crucial so you can read your partner’s reactions, and respond accordingly.

Be sure to schedule enough time to not only convey your information, but also to allow your partner to fully understand the information and ask as many questions as necessary. In addition, choose a moment when you are both in neutral territory. A romantic dinner isn’t really a logical place to have this conversation, but neither is a business office. Instead, schedule a hike or picnic in a quiet location. This allows you privacy and closeness with your partner, but without the overtones of romance.

Just Remember…
If you start to feel anxious as you prepare for “the talk” with your partner, just remember this: your partner is likely to be much happier knowing what is happening with you than guessing why you are acting oddly. If your partner knows that you have urinary urgency and often need to rush to the bathroom, he or she will be less likely to feel hurt when you abruptly terminate a conversation to do so.  The fact of the matter is that both of you will feel better after the talk. You will no longer carry the burden of constantly trying to “act normal,” and your partner will no longer have to wonder what’s happening with your relationship.

Start planning the “when” of your talk now. Then stay tuned because in upcoming articles we will talk about the actual nuts and bolts of the conversation itself, including offering you a number of tools that can make the conversation go more smoothly!

If you enjoyed this post, we invite you to check out our book, leave a comment, contact us, download our free ebook, or interact with us on Twitter and Facebook.

When Should You Talk to Your Partner About Women’s Urinary Incontinence?

by General Urinary IncontinenceUrge Urinary IncontinenceUrinary Incontinence

If you are a woman with urinary incontinence, then you have a lot on your mind, such as bathrooms, urinary urgency, possible leakage accidents and so forth. Since you are so preoccupied, chances are that you may not be thinking about your spouse or partner. At the same time, chances are good that your spouse is wondering about you.

Your Urinary Incontinence and Your Partner
We understand that you have bathrooms on the brain, but your spouse or partner may not. If you are constantly hurrying out of events, jumping up in the middle of a movie to run to the bathroom, or avoiding sex because you are afraid of a leakage accident, your spouse may start to wonder what is happening.

While your behavior makes perfect sense to you, given your symptoms of urinary urgency, frequency, or leakage, your spouse may interpret your actions different. Your partner may wonder if your avoidance of sex means you no longer find him or her attractive. He or she may wonder if your strange behavior is a prelude to a breakup. Your partner may even initiate a breakup based on your behavior, fearing a breakup and not wanting to be the one being dumped first.

Signs That It Is Time to Talk to Your Partner
Obviously if your partner is starting to make noises about breaking up, you definitely need to have a discussion about your urinary incontinence. Most women are amazed that their partners are unaware of just how much urinary incontinence affects behavior, but if you rarely or never raise the issue, your partner will remain ignorant. You should definitely initiate a discussion about your urinary issues if:

  • urinary urgency or frequency constantly interrupts quality time with your partner
  • you avoid sex because you leak urine during intercourse, or are afraid that you will leak urine
  • you have planned an upcoming trip with your partner and you are worried about how you will cope
  • anxiety about urinary incontinence issues makes you uncomfortable with your partner
  • you keep cancelling dates and plans with your partner because of your urinary incontinence symptoms

If any of these issues, or similar ones, occur with regularity in your life, now is definitely the time to talk to your partner about your women’s urinary incontinence symptoms. A simple straightforward conversation at the right time can ease your partner’s mind, and also increase his or her understanding of your condition. Don’t wait for your partner to become so uncomfortable with the relationship that he or she brings up the issue. Raise the issue yourself… you and your partner will both benefit.

Not sure how to talk about women’s urinary incontinence? Stay tuned. In future articles we will outline simple ways to raise this complex issue.

If you enjoyed this post, we invite you to check out our book, leave a comment, contact us, download our free ebook, or interact with us on Twitter and Facebook.

Women’s Urinary Incontinence: What You Give Up When You Don’t Seek Help

by Find the Right DoctorGeneral Urinary Incontinence

We hate to keep hammering on this statistic, but it continues to amaze and shock us: women with urinary incontinence typically wait almost seven years before seeking help from a medical professional … if they seek help at all! In fact, only 50% of women with urinary incontinence do seek help. The rest simply suffer in silence and cope with the symptoms as best they can.

The most ridiculous part of the above statistics is there are so many forms of help available for women’s urinary incontinence, from simple lifestyle changes to minimally-invasive surgeries with high rates of success. So why do so many women wait so long to seek help for their urinary incontinence, or refuse to seek help at all?

Embarrassment
Believe it or not, women’s urinary incontinence tops the list of health conditions that ladies feel most embarrassed about discussing with their doctors. As a result of wanting to avoid a red-faced discussion, 50% of these women suffer through almost seven years of urinary urgency, frequency, and leakage before gathering up the courage to ask for help. The other half would rather suffer through the symptoms than have “the talk” about urinary incontinence with their doctors.

Wow … what all of these women fail to realize is that they give up a tremendous amount in their lives simply to avoid having one embarrassing conversation about urinary incontinence with their doctors. In fact, let’s take a closer look at what women suffering from urinary incontinence give up because they want to avoid embarrassment.

#1 – Your Social Life
One of the first items a woman with urinary incontinence sacrifices is her social life. One study indicated that women worried about urinary leakage were most afraid to “sit on a friend’s couch.” If you are afraid to even sit on your friend’s couch for fear that you might have a leakage accident, then you can see how your social life would begin to shrink at a rapid rate! You will also begin to skip “Girls’ Night Out,” movies, and chats over coffee with your gal pals.

At that point, the isolation becomes apparent. The stage after isolation is often depression and unhappiness. In fact, even your immune system is affected when you stop connecting with your friends and social network. Consider this:

“Several studies support the idea that people who feel connected to friends – whether it’s a few close friends or a large group – have stronger immunity than those who feel alone. In one study, freshmen who were lonely had a weaker immune response to a flu vaccine than those who felt connected to others.” (http://on.webmd.com/W8CTPV)

#2 – Exercise and Fitness
For women with urinary incontinence, fitness and weight maintenance is a big part of reducing symptoms like urinary urgency, leakage, and frequency. Overweight women tend to suffer more severe symptoms since every extra pound above the pelvic area puts pressure on the bladder and pelvic organ, often resulting in leakage accidents. Therefore, the ability to exercise and stay fit is crucial to women who want to improve their symptoms. But there is a catch-22. Women with urinary incontinence tend to leak urine when they exercise. This leakage, in turn, tends to discourage exercise, since no woman enjoys the “wet pants” look. Lack of exercise tends to lead to weight gain, depression, and emotional eating … and more weight gain. You get the picture of the vicious cycle that can happen. Women with urinary incontinence who fail to seek help for their condition often toss their exercise regimen out the window, and fall prey to the vicious cycle described above.

#3 – The Stress of the Unexpected
Studies show that one of the worst aspects of women’s urinary incontinence is the stress of living with the unexpected. Women with this condition are always wondering when the next urinary leakage accident will occur. They stress about whether they will reach the bathroom in time. They prepare endlessly for that unexpected accident by carrying around changes of clothing, adult diapers, sanitary wipes, and scented baggies to avoid urine odor. They wear pants that can be quickly pulled down (but often lack a sense of fashion). In other words, women with urinary incontinence go “all out” to prevent leakage accidents, and live in a constant state of stress about such accidents. This kind of stress if highly detrimental to a woman’s health on multiple levels.

Do You See the Picture Now?
The above is just the “short list” of what you give up when you suffer from urinary incontinence and refuse to seek help from a medical professional. Of course, embarrassment isn’t the only reason that you might avoid seeking help, but our guess is that embarrassment is a big factor. But if you really stop and think about it, is embarrassment truly a fate worse than death? We think not! There are many women, very much alive, who can testify to that fact! So don’t be one of those statistics we mentioned at the beginning of the article. Don’t avoid asking for help and don’t wait seven years to ask for help. If you have women’s urinary incontinence, ask for help now before you sacrifice any more quality of life to this easily treatable condition!

If you enjoyed this post, we invite you to check out our book, leave a comment, contact us, download our free ebook, or interact with us on Twitter and Facebook.

 

Women’s Urinary Incontinence: 5 Things You Should Know When Seeking Help

by GeneralUrinary Incontinence

If you suffer from women’s urinary incontinence and you have finally decided to seek help we applaud you! Why do we applaud? Because about half of all women with urinary incontinence never seek help, and thus never get a thorough and correct medical diagnosis. Plus, the women who do seek medical help wait, on average, almost seven years before doing so. That’s a long time to cope with symptoms of women’s urinary incontinence!

If you have decided to seek medical help for your urinary incontinence, you will be glad you did. Just know that the journey to relieving your symptoms is just that — a journey, not a pit stop. You may have to seek the care of more than one medical professional to get the help you need. To ease your journey, we have written five tips below. Hopefully these tips will help you get the medical support you need as quickly and efficiently as possible.

5 Things You Should Know …
If you have already scheduled an appointment with your family doctor or general practitioner to discuss your urinary incontinence, then you are a giant leap ahead of the affected women who never seek help. Bravo! Now that you have your appointment, here are 5 points of information to help you get the most out of your journey toward freedom from urinary incontinence.

Tip #1: Prepare for Your Appointment
Preparing for your first appointment will help you maximize the time you spend with your family doctor or general practitioner. Preparation is simple. A week before your appointment, begin observing and jotting down your symptoms, even if you know them by heart. Having a list of symptoms–including how many times per day you urinate, how much you urinate each time, how many times per week you have a leakage accident, how much urine you leak, triggers for urinary leakage, and when your symptoms began–will help you communicate quickly and clearly with your doctor. Also list all your current medications, and any other health issues you have, even if you feel they are unrelated to your urinary incontinence. Finally, if you are afraid that you might “chicken out” out the last minute and avoid talking about your urinary leakage issues, enlist the help of a good friend. Ask your friend to accompany you to your fist appointment and gently remind you (if necessary) about the reason for your visit if you somehow “forget”!

Tip #2: Prepare a List of Questions
As you can probably tell, lists are important in this process! Preparing a list of questions to ask doctor about your condition will help you get the answers you need about your condition. If you don’t know what to ask your doctor, check out this list as a “template” for making your own list.

Tip #3: Know What Your Doctor Will Ask You
In addition to asking your doctor the questions you want answered, you also need to be able to answer your doctor’s questions about your condition. For your doctor to be able to help you, you need to be able to discuss your condition honestly and without embarrassment. Knowing ahead of time the questions your doctor will likely ask you can help. Prepare for your appointment by scanning this list of potential questions.

Tip #4: Know That Your First Appointment Won’t Be Your Last
Your first appointment with your family doctor is just that — the first stop on your journey towards symptom relief. Chances are that your general practitioner can offer you some help with basics, such as reviewing your medications, medical history, and lifestyle habits for any triggers that may be causing your urinary leakage. For instance, some medications are diuretics and could be causing you to urinate much more frequently than normal. Chances are also good that your doctor will refer you to a specialist–probably a urologist–who will perform more specific tests to more thoroughly assess your condition. Taking the time to see the referred specialist is important because these specialists can often offer a wider range of therapies tailored specifically to your condition. If your first appointment merely leads to a referral, don’t be discouraged. A referral to a specialist is normal in the treatment protocol for treating women’s urinary incontinence, and should be regarded as progress on the journey!

Tip #5: Persist Until You are Satisfied
How do you know when your “journey” has come to an end? Simple. Your journey is complete when you are satisfied with your level of symptom relief–whether that means a major reduction in urinary leakage accidents or complete freedom from all symptoms. At the end of the day, the only one who can say whether the therapy for urinary incontinence is “good enough” is you. This means that you should not give up on seeking help until you are satisfied, even if that means combining multiple therapeutic approaches such as medication and minor surgery. In addition, you should know that your treatment choices may change with time. A conservative treatment like medication may relieve your symptoms for years, only to stop working at a certain point (such as when you reach menopause). Want to know more? Read about how your treatment options may change over time.

Armed with these 5 tips, you are now ready to embark on your journey to get the medical support you need for your women’s urinary incontinence. May the force of your persistence be with you until you are satisfied with your own health. After all, you are at the center of your own “patient-centered” healthcare model!

If you enjoyed this post, we invite you to leave a comment, contact us, download our free ebook, or interact with us on Twitter and Facebook.