Actually Talking to Your Partner About Women’s Urinary Incontinence

by General Urinary IncontinenceUrge IncontinenceUrge Urinary IncontinenceUrinary Incontinence

In the previous two articles, we have discussed why you should talk to your partner about your women’s urinary incontinence, and how to prepare for “the talk.” This article is all about having “the talk.”

Gather Your Stuff for The Talk
If you have read our previous two articles on talking to your partner about your urinary incontinence, then by now you have probably armed yourself with some materials to help you with the conversation. To prepare for your conversation, you may wish to gather the following items (plus any others you feel will help your partner understand your condition):

  • outline of what you want to say
  • educational materials about urinary incontinence or women’s pelvic health in general
  • list of your symptoms
  • list of how you are coping with your condition, including any therapies

Once you have your stuff, you are ready for the talk. Assuming that you have already set a time to have the discussion with your partner, you just need to bring the relevant stuff and talk!

Starting the Discussion About Women’s Urinary Incontinence
Talking about women’s urinary incontinence and its symptoms is never easy. Whether you are talking to your doctor or to your loved ones, the issue is sensitive and potentially embarrassing. Just know that going into the conversation.

To start the discussion with your partner about urinary incontinence, first thank them for making the time to have the discussion with you. If you feel nervous, tell your partner that you want to discuss a sensitive issue, and that you do feel nervous. It is definitely a good idea to share how you feel.

Then start the conversation wherever you feel is most relevant. For instance, if your partner has recently looked quite baffled or been irritated by your sudden and frequent trips to the bathroom, start the discussion with those events. Talk about urinary urgency and frequency, and talk about how your behavior may have been bewildering to your partner.

Start the discussion slowly and allow your partner to fully digest each piece of information. Allow room in the conversation for your partner to ask questions. Don’t just run full tilt through your list. Explain your condition slowly and clearly, and cover the ways you are coping with urinary incontinence. Also explain how your condition may be affecting the relationship.

At an appropriate moment–perhaps at the close of the conversation–you may wish to hand your partner some educational materials so he or she can learn more about urinary incontinence (and how it affects so many women, not just older women). Our book is a good resource, as are printable downloads from organizations listed on our Resources page.

Allow the conversation to follow its own pace and direction. Remain calm at all times. In most cases, women are surprised at their partners’ responses. Most are very understanding, and many partners are quite relieved to finally understand the motivation behind some potentially odd behaviors.

Once you have the initial conversation, give yourself a pat on the back! This may not be the only conversation you have with your partner, but it is certainly a great beginning. Once your partner learns more about your condition, he or she may have more questions. No worries… knowledge is power. The important thing is that you have opened the door to greater understanding and a deeper relationship with your partner.

If you enjoyed this post, we invite you to check out our book, leave a comment, contact us, download our free ebook, or interact with us on Twitter and Facebook.

How Do You Talk to Your Partner About Women’s Urinary Incontinence?

by Urge IncontinenceUrge Urinary IncontinenceUrinary Incontinence

In our previous article  we discussed when you might want to discuss your urinary incontinence issues with your partner–such as when your partner begins wondering whether your coping behaviors signal that you are heading for a breakup! Hopefully that article gave you some motivation and encouragement to raise this sticky subject with your partner, before he or she gets the wrong idea about your relationship.

Yet, women’s urinary incontinence is an embarrassing topic at the best of times. In fact, talking about symptoms such as urinary urgency or urinary leakage can feel so humiliating that almost half of all women never seek medical help. But don’t worry. With the right preparation, you can definitely have a successful conversation with your partner about your urinary incontinence issues. You don’t have to be humiliated or embarrassed. Plus, hopefully you and your partner will emerge on the other side of the conversation with more clarity and understanding about this health issue.

Preparing for “The Talk”
Once you have committed to having “the talk” with your partner, you don’t simply want to dive into the conversation at will. Instead, take the time to prepare yourself for the conversation. You will want to consider:

  • when to raise the issue
  • the exact points you want to raise during the conversation
  • whether you will give your partner brochures or other educational materials to read
  • the questions your partner may raise, and how you want to answer those questions

The above points are all crucial to having a successful conversation with your partner about your women’s urinary incontinence. In this article, we will focus on choosing a good time to talk to your partner. In future articles, we will cover other preparations for your talk, including making a list of points you wish to cover and how to educate your partner about your condition.

Choosing the Right Time to Discuss Your Urinary Incontinence
Choosing the right moment to discuss your urinary incontinence issues with your partner can have a big impact on the outcome of the conversation. For instance, you definitely don’t want to raise the issue if both of you are already in bed or perhaps headed toward an intimate moment. Talk about the wrong time to raise the issue of urinary incontinence.

Instead, when thinking of potential “good” moments to raise the issue, look for moments where you will have:

  • guaranteed privacy
  • plenty of time
  • one-on-one time that is face-to-face
  • a neutral setting that is neither too romantic nor too sterile

Using the points above, you probably won’t choose to talk about urinary urgency or leakage at your local bar, where friends or wait staff are likely to “pop in” on your conversation at any given time. By the same token, avoid having the conversation over the phone. While your partner will probably be much more accepting of the conversation than you expect, phone conversations make it difficult to interpret silences. You won’t know whether a moment of silence simply means your spouse is digesting the information or is truly horrified by the news. Having the conversation face-to-face is crucial so you can read your partner’s reactions, and respond accordingly.

Be sure to schedule enough time to not only convey your information, but also to allow your partner to fully understand the information and ask as many questions as necessary. In addition, choose a moment when you are both in neutral territory. A romantic dinner isn’t really a logical place to have this conversation, but neither is a business office. Instead, schedule a hike or picnic in a quiet location. This allows you privacy and closeness with your partner, but without the overtones of romance.

Just Remember…
If you start to feel anxious as you prepare for “the talk” with your partner, just remember this: your partner is likely to be much happier knowing what is happening with you than guessing why you are acting oddly. If your partner knows that you have urinary urgency and often need to rush to the bathroom, he or she will be less likely to feel hurt when you abruptly terminate a conversation to do so.  The fact of the matter is that both of you will feel better after the talk. You will no longer carry the burden of constantly trying to “act normal,” and your partner will no longer have to wonder what’s happening with your relationship.

Start planning the “when” of your talk now. Then stay tuned because in upcoming articles we will talk about the actual nuts and bolts of the conversation itself, including offering you a number of tools that can make the conversation go more smoothly!

If you enjoyed this post, we invite you to check out our book, leave a comment, contact us, download our free ebook, or interact with us on Twitter and Facebook.

When Should You Talk to Your Partner About Women’s Urinary Incontinence?

by General Urinary IncontinenceUrge Urinary IncontinenceUrinary Incontinence

If you are a woman with urinary incontinence, then you have a lot on your mind, such as bathrooms, urinary urgency, possible leakage accidents and so forth. Since you are so preoccupied, chances are that you may not be thinking about your spouse or partner. At the same time, chances are good that your spouse is wondering about you.

Your Urinary Incontinence and Your Partner
We understand that you have bathrooms on the brain, but your spouse or partner may not. If you are constantly hurrying out of events, jumping up in the middle of a movie to run to the bathroom, or avoiding sex because you are afraid of a leakage accident, your spouse may start to wonder what is happening.

While your behavior makes perfect sense to you, given your symptoms of urinary urgency, frequency, or leakage, your spouse may interpret your actions different. Your partner may wonder if your avoidance of sex means you no longer find him or her attractive. He or she may wonder if your strange behavior is a prelude to a breakup. Your partner may even initiate a breakup based on your behavior, fearing a breakup and not wanting to be the one being dumped first.

Signs That It Is Time to Talk to Your Partner
Obviously if your partner is starting to make noises about breaking up, you definitely need to have a discussion about your urinary incontinence. Most women are amazed that their partners are unaware of just how much urinary incontinence affects behavior, but if you rarely or never raise the issue, your partner will remain ignorant. You should definitely initiate a discussion about your urinary issues if:

  • urinary urgency or frequency constantly interrupts quality time with your partner
  • you avoid sex because you leak urine during intercourse, or are afraid that you will leak urine
  • you have planned an upcoming trip with your partner and you are worried about how you will cope
  • anxiety about urinary incontinence issues makes you uncomfortable with your partner
  • you keep cancelling dates and plans with your partner because of your urinary incontinence symptoms

If any of these issues, or similar ones, occur with regularity in your life, now is definitely the time to talk to your partner about your women’s urinary incontinence symptoms. A simple straightforward conversation at the right time can ease your partner’s mind, and also increase his or her understanding of your condition. Don’t wait for your partner to become so uncomfortable with the relationship that he or she brings up the issue. Raise the issue yourself… you and your partner will both benefit.

Not sure how to talk about women’s urinary incontinence? Stay tuned. In future articles we will outline simple ways to raise this complex issue.

If you enjoyed this post, we invite you to check out our book, leave a comment, contact us, download our free ebook, or interact with us on Twitter and Facebook.