For women with urinary incontinence, working up the courage to make an appointment and actually go to the appointment with a doctor is a HUGE deal. Sometimes the thought of discussing topics like urinary urgency or urinary leakage with another person–even a medical professional–can be so embarrassing that picking up the phone to make that appointment seems impossible. After all, the phone weighs 100 pounds, right?
But the situation becomes even worse when a woman actually goes to the appointment, only to discover–perhaps in the middle of describing her urinary urgency–that her doctor is not even listening. Or perhaps the doctor appears to be listening, but is putting his or her own interpretation on the situation.
If you suffer from women’s urinary incontinence, the situation described above can be one of the most frustrating, humiliating, and saddening situations ever. Luckily, you can take action steps if you discover that your doctor is not hearing you!
Action Step #1: Prepare for Your Appointment
Before you ever step foot into your doctor’s office, you can prepare for clear communication by documenting your urinary issues and habits. Verbal communication can sometimes lead to crossed wires, but actual documented facts, written on paper in black and white, can clear up a confusing conversation quickly. A week or two before your appointment, begin keeping a bladder diary, which documents your urinary habits and problems (to learn how to keep a bladder diary, click HERE. Then be sure to bring that diary with you to your appointment and show it to your doctor at the beginning of the appointment. Not only will your documentation allow your doctor to quickly get a “snapshot” of your situation–perhaps even saving you some embarrassing conversation–but the clear documentation also prevents your doctor from dismissing your symptoms as not being an important health issue.
Action Step #2: Stop the Conversation if You Keep Repeating Yourself
One sure sign that your doctor is not hearing you is if you have to keep repeating yourself, either to have your statements acknowledged or to correct your doctor. If you talk about the problems you have with urinary urgency, for instance, and your doctor persists in telling you that the issue is “nothing to worry about” or is “a normal sign of aging,” you need to stop the conversation. You might say something like, “Can you please summarize my situation as you understand it? I just want to be sure that we understand each other.” If your doctor does not address your problems or dismisses them, feel free to say, “I realize that this may not seem like a major health issue to you, but it is really affecting my quality of life. Could you please suggest some solutions for this problem, or is there another doctor with whom I could discuss my situation?” While it may seem difficult to contradict a healthcare professional, often times you have to be your own strongest health advocate. Since you have already worked up the courage to make and attend the appointment, you won’t lose anything by persisting until you are heard and get the help you need!
Action Step #3: Make Sure You Express Yourself Fully
If you find that your doctor keeps cutting you off or, even worse, ends the appointment before you have fully expressed your needs or gotten the information or help you need, stop the conversation. If your doctor keeps cutting you off, you may want to gently stop him or her and say, “I want to be sure that I am communicating clearly. Can we go back to the topic I was just discussing, my urinary urgency?” Many times your doctor’s lack of attention may have nothing to do with you or your health situation. Doctors, like all people, have good days and bad days. If you happen to interact with your doctor on a day he or she is very tired or unable to concentrate (for whatever reason), simply bring his or her attention gently back to your needs. Persist, persist, persist… if you do so gently and gracefully, chances are your doctor will bring his or her focus back to you.
If your doctor ends the appointment before you have gotten all the information or help that you need, raise the issue. Tell your doctor that you have further questions or need more information. Often your doctor will be happy to extend the appointment for a few minutes longer. If not, ask whether you could continue the conversation with a nurse or another provider. Some doctors are open to answering questions via email or phone after the appointment. If you have questions about medication your doctor has prescribed, you may be able to get your questions answered by the pharmacist. In short, ask for more options if you have not gotten what you need by the end of the appointment.
Be Strong for Yourself
While it may seem a bit silly that you would need to prepare yourself in the ways described above to get the help you need for your women’s urinary incontinence, the truth of the matter is that this is true in every area of life–be it healthcare or plumbing. While symptoms of urinary incontinence may make it more difficult to persist with your doctor until you get the help you need, you will find that the extra efforts you make in that direction will yield huge benefits. Not only will you get the help you need, but often you will gain more respect from your doctor. In any case, you will definitely increase your self-respect. So, as the Nike slogan goes, “Just do it!”
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