In the previous two articles, we have discussed why you should talk to your partner about your women’s urinary incontinence, and how to prepare for “the talk.” This article is all about having “the talk.”
Gather Your Stuff for The Talk
If you have read our previous two articles on talking to your partner about your urinary incontinence, then by now you have probably armed yourself with some materials to help you with the conversation. To prepare for your conversation, you may wish to gather the following items (plus any others you feel will help your partner understand your condition):
- outline of what you want to say
- educational materials about urinary incontinence or women’s pelvic health in general
- list of your symptoms
- list of how you are coping with your condition, including any therapies
Once you have your stuff, you are ready for the talk. Assuming that you have already set a time to have the discussion with your partner, you just need to bring the relevant stuff and talk!
Starting the Discussion About Women’s Urinary Incontinence
Talking about women’s urinary incontinence and its symptoms is never easy. Whether you are talking to your doctor or to your loved ones, the issue is sensitive and potentially embarrassing. Just know that going into the conversation.
To start the discussion with your partner about urinary incontinence, first thank them for making the time to have the discussion with you. If you feel nervous, tell your partner that you want to discuss a sensitive issue, and that you do feel nervous. It is definitely a good idea to share how you feel.
Then start the conversation wherever you feel is most relevant. For instance, if your partner has recently looked quite baffled or been irritated by your sudden and frequent trips to the bathroom, start the discussion with those events. Talk about urinary urgency and frequency, and talk about how your behavior may have been bewildering to your partner.
Start the discussion slowly and allow your partner to fully digest each piece of information. Allow room in the conversation for your partner to ask questions. Don’t just run full tilt through your list. Explain your condition slowly and clearly, and cover the ways you are coping with urinary incontinence. Also explain how your condition may be affecting the relationship.
At an appropriate moment–perhaps at the close of the conversation–you may wish to hand your partner some educational materials so he or she can learn more about urinary incontinence (and how it affects so many women, not just older women). Our book is a good resource, as are printable downloads from organizations listed on our Resources page.
Allow the conversation to follow its own pace and direction. Remain calm at all times. In most cases, women are surprised at their partners’ responses. Most are very understanding, and many partners are quite relieved to finally understand the motivation behind some potentially odd behaviors.
Once you have the initial conversation, give yourself a pat on the back! This may not be the only conversation you have with your partner, but it is certainly a great beginning. Once your partner learns more about your condition, he or she may have more questions. No worries… knowledge is power. The important thing is that you have opened the door to greater understanding and a deeper relationship with your partner.
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